My take on France

I have recently returned from a trip across the pond to lovely France. It should be pointed out now that I do not speak French besides the key phrase "Parlevous ingles?" So, I entered this beautiful country as the ignorant and uniformed American. On the seven and a half hour flight to Paris I thought it would a better idea to watch three movies than to sleep. So, needless to say when we arrived at 11:30 am I was less than chipper. After being told by the customs man that I look like Ke$ha I set off to get some euros from the atm only to discover I did not know how to use a European atm. Once I finally had my fake looking money I headed to the buses- the advised way to get to downtown Paris. The head and shoulder shampoo needing, non english speaking friends I made on the cattle car, I mean public transit, told me I was a good person because I did not get upset when the pumped into me. Is it normal in France for an accidental run in to be met with a knock down drag out fight?  After a nice man helped me find my proper subway I sprinted away to my next train- hey I've seen the movie Taken- I finally found our house for the next two nights. In a continuance of my genius I decided instead of sleeping I would take on Paris by myself. Three hours and twenty seven blisters later I found my way back to the house and proceeded to pass out on the bed- over 24 hours since I had last slept. France being the amazing place it is I had a wonderful time on my trip. the Louvre was awesome and Normandy was inspiring but the main thing I want to discuss is this little European contraption called a bidet. This can only be described as a the product of a toilet, shower and water fountain having a child. It can be found in many bathrooms directly by the toilet. I had to consult wikipedia as to the proper use for this odd looking contraption- basically its a way to get everything all clean. Now they are getting really progressive and combining a toilet and a bidet... woa dream big! I'm sorry France I think I'll do as the Charmin Bears do and leave the high pressure wash downs to you.

a tree house to some. an unstable shack to others. but home to all.

As of lately it seems that our precious squirrel house has been falling apart. In honor of our humble home, I have decided to take you on a tour through our house and to let you in on all of the hidden charm.

First things first. As you enter our home, you will be impressed to see that we have a state of the art security system. If it is past 9 pm, his name is Jerry. If it is during the day, our lives are protected by a 3 digit code that is sure to keep out all thieves and pervs. Oh, you look thirsty, let's go to the kitchen. Watch out and please don't trip over our fancy red cooler. It is a one of a kind ice chest that you won't find in any other house. Just dip your cup in and grab a refreshment. We don't go for that automatic stuff. We appreciate manual labor, so if the cooler gets empty or a little too watery, don't panic. Someone will be out soon to wheel it away and replenish it. Thanks to our high security, our thermostat is protected by a thick plastic encasement. It is kind of like a zoo animal. You may admire it, but don't even think about touching it. And yes, it is 80 degrees down here, so let's continue upstairs.

Welcome to the second floor. As we walk up the stairs you are obviously greeted by a gorgeous piece or artwork that resembles a Chinese inspired partition. Our den has beautiful white sinder block walls. A few of the lamps are functioning and when found, the remote usually has batteries. Each room has two desks and one bed. To dissolve any fights that may occur over which roommate gets the bed, we have sleeping barracks..i mean porches. These porches have antique bunk beds with antique window units. Most rooms are well lit, but some rooms have an added charm of a flickering light or maybe no light at all. Our spacious study rooms have two computers. It is always fun to play the old game of "Guess Which Computer Works Today". That game is fun, but it is not nearly as fun as "Find the Internet". Everyone loves that game. We love it so much that we play it all day. Sometimes you find us crouching in hallways or near windows...just trying to find the internet. Such a tease, that internet. As soon as you get it, it runs off, and there you are left chasing it again. When we tire from such games, we love to clean up in our community bathrooms. Now our bathroom is the real gem. It reminds me of the old children's story: Goldilocks and the Three Bears. One of these showers is too hot. One of these showers has no water pressure. But one of these showers is juuust right! All of these showers have matching curtains and each curtain does its part as it struggles to hang on. This tour has come to an end. Mainly because I am tired.

Nothing can top our humble home and all of its unique amenities.