My take on France

I have recently returned from a trip across the pond to lovely France. It should be pointed out now that I do not speak French besides the key phrase "Parlevous ingles?" So, I entered this beautiful country as the ignorant and uniformed American. On the seven and a half hour flight to Paris I thought it would a better idea to watch three movies than to sleep. So, needless to say when we arrived at 11:30 am I was less than chipper. After being told by the customs man that I look like Ke$ha I set off to get some euros from the atm only to discover I did not know how to use a European atm. Once I finally had my fake looking money I headed to the buses- the advised way to get to downtown Paris. The head and shoulder shampoo needing, non english speaking friends I made on the cattle car, I mean public transit, told me I was a good person because I did not get upset when the pumped into me. Is it normal in France for an accidental run in to be met with a knock down drag out fight?  After a nice man helped me find my proper subway I sprinted away to my next train- hey I've seen the movie Taken- I finally found our house for the next two nights. In a continuance of my genius I decided instead of sleeping I would take on Paris by myself. Three hours and twenty seven blisters later I found my way back to the house and proceeded to pass out on the bed- over 24 hours since I had last slept. France being the amazing place it is I had a wonderful time on my trip. the Louvre was awesome and Normandy was inspiring but the main thing I want to discuss is this little European contraption called a bidet. This can only be described as a the product of a toilet, shower and water fountain having a child. It can be found in many bathrooms directly by the toilet. I had to consult wikipedia as to the proper use for this odd looking contraption- basically its a way to get everything all clean. Now they are getting really progressive and combining a toilet and a bidet... woa dream big! I'm sorry France I think I'll do as the Charmin Bears do and leave the high pressure wash downs to you.