Forecast: Deathly Umbrellas

8AM: My alarm goes off. I, like a newborn, struggle to open my eyes and eventually silence the beeping in my ear. Then I hear it. tap. tap. tap tap tap. What is this sound you might ask? rain. lots of rain. All I want to do at this point is turn over and fall back into a deep slumber. But No, I get up, get dressed, and face the rain any way.

WHY? AM I MENTALLY UNBALANCED? IT'S A JUNGLE OUT THERE! Here are my observations about rain, most specifically about umbrellas.

1. Freaks come out in the rain: people seem to be lost when it rains. Everything is now 10 times harder to accomplish. most people react like southerners in an "ice storm", tip-toeing around puddles, trying not to face plant into these dangerous pits of water. My advice: MOVE OUT OF MY WAY! you are not going to fall if you are wearing proper footwear and you know, most of you are wearing leggings so they will dry super fast if and when you fall in that puddle.

2. Umbrellas: I must preface this rant with a confession: I Loathe Umbrellas. Always Have. Always Will. Why do everyone's umbrellas have to be the size of three people. one person one umbrella. the end. I spend the majority of my time in the rain dodging people and their huge umbrellas. I feel as if sunglasses would be useful so my eyes will not be gouged out by the spikes on the ends of the tent you are using to block the rain from your body.

3. Water: Rain is water and water is rain. You will not melt...or die...if you get wet. All that will happen is a little sogginess of the pants and frizzy hair.

Further Advice: Ditch the umbrella and get a jacket for the safety of those around you. Peace.

Freshman

Freshman... we've all been one. As a wise old senior I have come to notice a few things about these curious creatures. It has been interesting to watch them evolve over the year from clueless children wandering around campus like blind little mice to clueless 18 year olds stomping around campus like they own the place. Don't confuse this as a rant against those precious little youngsters for I greatly appreciate them for providing me with endless hours of entertainment. Exhibit A- unnamed freshman in the dining room at alpha gam... as I meandered downstairs to get my customary oatmeal I notice two little freshies loading their plates with bacon, egg and cheese sandwiches. I overhear one say, "I have never been up this early before in my life." I have several questions I wanted to ask said freshman. 1) did you not go to high school or did you live in an alternate reality where hs did not start around 8am? 2) have you ever been at work, the gym, the hospital, city cafe and seen the sunrise? no? then you my friend are not up early. These sweet, innocent and naive babes need to redefine their definition of early. Yes, I realize we are in college and classes before 10 am are considered a crime but don't even think about complaining to me or the scores of nursing and nutrition majors I know about being up early. Exhibit B- the influx of freshman at the rec... as spring rolls around and the blessed week known as Spring Break draws near the rec swells with copious amounts of freshman. Did they just discover this massive building? The wide eyes on all of their faces are slightly terrifying. Do they know how to use the equipment? Are they going to fall while running on the track taking me out with them? Will they clog up my way to the water fountain while waiting on their precious Zumba class for 30 minutes? And finally, will they drive like a toddler on some phonebooks around the parking lot in order to shave .2 seconds off of their walk into the gym. You're going to work out so the extra 10 steps should be an added bonus. I'll have to ponder more freshman observations for a later date but as a safety conscious blogger I feel that I should make all of our 2 readers aware of the imminent danger these little lambs present.