Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Forecast: Deathly Umbrellas

8AM: My alarm goes off. I, like a newborn, struggle to open my eyes and eventually silence the beeping in my ear. Then I hear it. tap. tap. tap tap tap. What is this sound you might ask? rain. lots of rain. All I want to do at this point is turn over and fall back into a deep slumber. But No, I get up, get dressed, and face the rain any way.

WHY? AM I MENTALLY UNBALANCED? IT'S A JUNGLE OUT THERE! Here are my observations about rain, most specifically about umbrellas.

1. Freaks come out in the rain: people seem to be lost when it rains. Everything is now 10 times harder to accomplish. most people react like southerners in an "ice storm", tip-toeing around puddles, trying not to face plant into these dangerous pits of water. My advice: MOVE OUT OF MY WAY! you are not going to fall if you are wearing proper footwear and you know, most of you are wearing leggings so they will dry super fast if and when you fall in that puddle.

2. Umbrellas: I must preface this rant with a confession: I Loathe Umbrellas. Always Have. Always Will. Why do everyone's umbrellas have to be the size of three people. one person one umbrella. the end. I spend the majority of my time in the rain dodging people and their huge umbrellas. I feel as if sunglasses would be useful so my eyes will not be gouged out by the spikes on the ends of the tent you are using to block the rain from your body.

3. Water: Rain is water and water is rain. You will not melt...or die...if you get wet. All that will happen is a little sogginess of the pants and frizzy hair.

Further Advice: Ditch the umbrella and get a jacket for the safety of those around you. Peace.

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